I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I came so hard my ears popped.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
