i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
