just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
