I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
