So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
