Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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