FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
