she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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