I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
