my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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