"it" just moved
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
