the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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