It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
