Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
