FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
