I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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