I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i drank out of a bidet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
