I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
