i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
