We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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