Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
