i was born a porn star she said
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
