I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
