i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
