its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
