I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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