this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
