brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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