Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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