Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
