"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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