We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
