Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
