The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
