You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
