'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
