i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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