Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
