His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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