This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
