I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
