this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
