Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
