Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
