im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
