That's when you crack a 10am beer
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
