I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
