I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
