I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
