Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
