i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
