I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
