I will die if light touches me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
