I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
