the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
